Life Since July

A month ago I lost my job.

Things had not been going as well as they could have been. A few weeks after my new supervisor started, the company elected to move me from my old process engineering role to a more involved project management role and give me several projects at once to, in their words, “see what you would do.” It ended predictably, and a few months ago they took me off the management and restored me to my old engineering role.

Last month they told me they did not want an engineer who was not ready to be a manager, so rather than train me for a year or so they opted to get rid of me and find someone with more experience.

So I have had a month to think about the past and the future.

Firstly, God be thanked that after the first sleepless night and feelings of misery the first morning, there has been next to no stress. Would this inner calm and peace not have to be from God? He will provide something new.

Secondly, God is the one who must lead. I have wondered in the past few months if the reason I was so miserable here is because I acted, not contrary to the will of God, but too quickly when God would have provided something better had I waited. At first God said I could be here, and he instructed me to remain with the congregation I have remained with from the beginning, but lately he’d been saying, “I have a better path that you must take.”

So God allowing me to be removed from my job was from him. All the other offers may not be from him, although I consider it nonsense to say that only one offer is the right one and all others are against his plan for me. The right option is acting in faith and trusting in God, that no matter where I go I will seek him first always.

If God is the one who allows me to lose my job, and he is the one who will lead me forward, what reason is there to fear?

None that I know.

I have had the option to reexamine myself, my likes and dislikes, and to my dismay discover a fair amount of mental, emotional, and perhaps even spiritual damage I had suffered during my time here. I have only recently begun to enjoy old activities and feel myself again, so this time away from work has been a time of healing. Again, God be thanked.

But my life is about to reach a decision point from which I cannot go back. A company in Colorado has been courting me ever since late May, and while they are interested, their hands were tied for a while. No longer is this the case. More recently, a company in Wyoming has asked me to visit them at the end of the month, after which they are likely to offer me a job but of course they may decide not to.

Today another company called. This one is local, and I would be doing almost the exact same work as I have done the past two years.

My options become this: Do I stay here and continue to live as I have, and do what I have done, where I know what to expect and what I will like and dislike, and have a reasonable estimate of success? Or do I go to a totally new place, where I know no one, in a job capacity that is unlike anything I have ever done before, and there is no guarantee I will be successful?

Do I step out in faith with darkness before me and only the light of God inside me illuminating the way, or do I remain here where my knowledge can fill in the gaps? Do I leave this place with its memories of stagnation and despair and begin life anew elsewhere, or is this where I belong and to leave here is to chase a fool’s dream?

Do I stay where I am stable and secure, where prudence suggests I ought, or do I abandon my security in favor of the unknown? Am I a fool for leaving and wise for remaining, or am I a coward for staying and courageous in venturing?

While this is posted for anyone to see, I’m not asking for feedback, not really, unless in God’s wisdom you are compelled to leave your thoughts. Please respond only in wisdom as God directs, and not on your own understanding.

Bark at me